Posted on December 21 2016
My kind, silly, frustrating child. I love you. Ever since you arrived, I find myself constantly catching my breath. Sometimes, it's because of the sheer beauty that is you. Other times, it's because you are about to dive, head-first, off of the sofa. My heart stops whenever I see you teetering on the edge of another milestone, but pounds nearly out of my chest when I peek in on you, mouth slightly open, snoring softly in your bed.
You have changed me. You are changing me. You will continue ensuing change in me. You have grown me and stretched me and wrung me out and expanded me in so many ways, both literal and metaphorical. You have made me a new person. A better person. The person I was always meant to be. You have shown me depths of the human heart I never knew existed. You have brought me to a boiling rage I never knew I was capable of. Because of you, I have been exposed to some of the most awesome, terrifying, wonderful, disgusting things this world has to offer.
All this that you've done for me, yet I am somehow meant to be the one raising you. Sometimes I watch you sleep and I dream alongside you. Dream of the person you'll become. Of the things you'll achieve. Create. Destroy. I dream of the morally sound human I pray you become. The kind who stands up for those being trodden on. The kind who speaks out for the voiceless. The kind who shows compassion to the most unlovable of people. The kind that understands every single person you meet is a person, just like you.
In the daytime, between diaper changes and chanting our ABC's, between the moments of frustration, the giving of consequences, the wiping away of tears, between the average moments that make up this extraordinary life with you, I do my best to let you teach me. You haven't yet mastered the language of grown ups, and I haven't quiet deciphered yours, but still I listen. Even when I don't understand, I hear. I live for the moments you take my hands in yours to show me what it is you mean. I love when you take my face in your hands and speak your gibberish slowly in an attempt to get through to me, and I wish I could kiss away the frustrated little crinkle in your brow while you do so.
Yes, Child, you have changed me. In the blink of an eye you have made me better than I ever thought I could be. Even in the moments when I lose my temper. Or when I get impatient. Or when I am everything but the perfect parent. Even then, I am A better version of myself then I ever was before you.You have brought me into this incredible life and love, and even though I am meant to be the one raising you, I will still always follow you. Where you lead, I will follow, anywhere.